dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
