would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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