Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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