if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
