I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Gay?
German.
Pity.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize