I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she looked like the before picture.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
