what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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