I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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