dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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