everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
