Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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