Define "chronic" masturbator.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
