she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
did you just send me my own nude
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize