i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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