So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
