I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
