direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
a search helicopter?!
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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