I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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