When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
