Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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