I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize