farters have to be the big spoon...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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