He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
