i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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