peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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