i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
