woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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