after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
