everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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