Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
