Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
