Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
