This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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