My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
