we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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