The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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