I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize