On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
