Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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