So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
