It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
