Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
