if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
