OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
