My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
farters have to be the big spoon...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
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