I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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