I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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