I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
