when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
