I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
