your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
