Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
