i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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