sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
