The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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