no, he came in my armpit
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize