she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
