Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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