I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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