he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You left your phone here
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