Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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