Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
