i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
