We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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