YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
