Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
