fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
