Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The air was thick with penises
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
