We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
