So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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