Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
