i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
