i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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