i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
